Because its more than a simple picture I'm being asking to take... I am honored~

On Thursday of last week I traveled North by 7 hours to Kentucky to be with my friends Tracy & John. Last Sunday their son Jackson passed away, and I was asked by the family to speak a few words at his funeral and to take private family images for them to hold tight.

I've never before been so humbled...

Here is what I wrote for Jackson.
_______________________________________________________

My husband Eric was not able to attend with me this weekend, but he shares with me much of what I speak of and sends along all his love and prayers.

The other evening, a dear friend and fellow Army wife wrote the emotional news that her precious son had gone to fly with angels. I was crushed beyond words...

Tracy, John and little man Jackson were our neighbors to the left while we were all stationed in Texas. Our husbands played ball with the dogs out front while us girls would sit on the stoop talking about anything and everything. When the day came that she shared with me the news that she was expecting I was overjoyed. A first born, and it was a son.

As my photography business grew, Tracy became my first ever Maternity Portrait Shoot, and Jackson was my first ever Newborn Portrait Shoot and I have since shared a bond through images that I will never be able to describe. I am honored.

Unexpected complications during delivery left Jackson one of Gods little warriors. And what an amazing warrior he was. And though Eric and I had since PCS'ed to Germany, I always enjoyed keeping up with all of Jacksons triumphs and accomplishments over these last 3 years.

And through all the trials and all the hurdles, I never once saw this amazing mother break. She studied Jacksons treatment plans and disabilities endlessly. She consistently educated herself on how to provide the very best for her son. She spent countless hours working with him, caring for him and loving him. She is the epitome of what I call Super Mom.

Tracy and John share the bonds of both love and loss. And where other marriages fail, theirs have not only survived but has shone as a living testament to what real love is all about. This is what Jackson takes with him. This is all Jackson knew of his short time with us was love, and in return he gave love. When he would smile, or giggle, or reach out to his new baby sister or big brothers, or the new friend at Morgans Wonderland. He gave us all so much love....

No one ever knows why God make the choices he makes? Why he takes home the ones we love so very much?

But me... I have my own little belief about Jackson, and his purpose and plans. I believe that Jackson was born to Tracy and John because God knew that no other family would love him or care for him deeper or stronger. And I believe that God brought sister Sarah along at just the perfect time. I think that all those hours Jackson and Sarah spent cooing and cuddling on their blankets were actually spent preparing Sarah for her new role. I think that Jackson waited until he was home, home in Kentucky where his mommy and daddy would put down roots. Where other family could be nearby. I think that Jackson felt comfortable in how he lived his life. How he strengthened the bonds of love in so many. And I think he just wanted to make sure that everything here on earth was placed "Just so", So when he took his last breaths he did it right here where he knew he would be safe... Forever.

Jackson, you are never far away.
I love you......

_______________________________________________

Now an angel in heaven. RIP baby Jackson...

When Eric and I arrived in Texas, it just felt like home. But there was just something about Texas for the both of us?

Its extremely difficult to feel like anywhere is truly "home", with moving from one city, one state, or one country to another, and it can get pretty depressing if you don't make the effort to get out and meet the people in your new neighborhood. So it wasn't long before we started taking walks and meeting those to our left...

Our home was nestled on the back end of a cul de sac, with nothing but green pastures on one side of us and 2 amazing neighbors to our other. Directly next to us were Dean and JoAnn. This couple were newly married and our age. We spent countless evenings on their front driveway sipping on Arbor Mist and consuming mounds of Joann's amazing guacamole dip. Directly next to Dean and JoAnn were Tracy and John. Another newly married Army couple that transplanted from Kentucky. The three of us girls became fast friends, sharing lunch dates, movie dates, holidays and so much more over the 3 years of living side by side.

Eric and I were the first to move away as we left for Europe. Tracy and John followed about 4 years later, followed by Dean being PCS'ed to California while JoAnn stayed behind for the year. Now, all 3 of us live outside of Texas, but we have all remained close friends.

When Tracy first came to me with the news that she was pregnant I was so happy for her! It was to be her first child and everything went beautifully. Her pregnancy went flawless with only minor bouts with morning sickness and almost no unhealthy weight gain. She looked amazing!!! And she became my first ever maternity portrait session. We used the new studio in the house and we captured some beautiful shots. Neither of us would have known that only days later Tracy and Johns life would be forever changed.

I walked into the dining room one night later in the week to see ambulance lights flashing out front of Tracy & Johns house. My heart sunk to my toes. Being a nurse my instincts were to run over to her and see if I could help, but I knew that whatever was going on she was in good hands and on her way to get further help. Days went by without even a single soul coming or going from their home and no word on how she and the baby were doing. By Friday we had received the news, and it wasn't pretty.

At some point on Friday evening Tracy's cord prolapsed and by the time the ambulance arrived they had no vital signs on the fetus. You should be able to feel the heartbeat and blood flow through the cord, and there was none. The ambulance drove straight to BAMC where they were immediately re-routed to the next hospital... which was over 17 minutes away. To this day I still will NEVER understand why BAMC sent that ambulance away knowing that it had a patient who had zero vitals?

By the time they arrived at Wilford Hall over 22 minutes had been spent pumping fluids and Oxygen into Tracy in hopes to save her child. Rushed into an emergency C-section, everything else was a blur. It was a whole 2 days later until Tracy would learn the fate of her son. Now, left dealing with a child with Cerebral Palsy, epilepsy, and a bucket full of other health issues. Until that fateful night her son was 100% healthy.

She asked me to capture some newborn images of little man Jackson, and it was a tough one. Not because of any health difficulties, but because all I could think about was how only weeks ago she was so happy, eagerly anticipating the arrival of her first born. Now... this. We both cried. We both hugged. We both were just so amazed at how quickly life can change.

Over these last 3 years I have watched Tracy become the SUPER MOM of children with disabilities. She read every article, book, health report she could on everything that pertained to little Jack. She worked with the Dr.'s on Jackson diet, helping him to get some relief from the daily seizures he suffers from. She developed a closet with moving lights and such to aid with Jackson's mobility. She hired a private nurse to assist and teach her all about Jackson's feeding tube and medications. She became Jackson's personal physician and she became very very good at it.

A year ago Tracy and John gave Jackson a baby sister named Sarah. When they brought Sarah home she said that the changes in Jackson were amazing! He would reach out to her, smile at her, make noises at her. They played together, laughed together and grew together. Sarah just celebrated her first birthday only weeks ago. How times flies! The family also moved back to their home town in Kentucky. Everything was wonderful and they were preparing for more summer activities with family and friends.... God had other plans.

July 1st, 2012. God decided that Jackson was needed more as an angel and brought him home. He passed away with his family at his side. This seizure being just too much for little man Jack to take. I read the news the next morning. I cried the rest of the afternoon.

No one ever knows why God does the things he does? Why he takes home the people that we love so very much? But me, I have my own opinion about this event. I think that God brought Sarah along just at the perfect time. I think that Jackson spent this last year talking to Sarah, preparing her for her role as the big sister. I think that Jackson waited until he was home. Home in Kentucky where his mommy and daddy would put down roots. Where other family could be nearby and be of support. I think that Jackson was tired, and he just wanted to make sure that everything here on earth was placed "just so" so when he took his last breath he did it right where he knew he would be safe forever.

Tomorrow morning I am making the 7 hour drive north to Kentucky. I am driving there to be with a dear friend who needs me right now. A dear friend who I can't wait to see. A dear friend who is stronger than I could ever be, but today, needs a shoulder and a hug.

RIP little man Jack. You are an amazing testament to love unconditional. You will be surely missed!!!

Happy Birthday to my everything...

My Grandmother was a wise woman indeed, often stating to me "Deborah Louise, the years will start to go by much more quickly as you grow older. Quit wishing your days away." She would make this statement after I babbled some bs about how I wished the summer would hurry up and come. Or I wished that school would hurry up and be over.

It seems that surely the years do seem to go by rather quickly as of late. I'm not sure if its the constant moving? Or if its just simply that grind, that daily grind we told ourselves we were never going to fall into?

My husbands and my birthdays are only weeks apart, so as fast as I turned the happy 46, he turned the happy 42 right behind me. Yes ladies, I snagged a younger man. Don't hate. :) Today was his birthday, and since once again I asked "What would you like for your birthday baby?" and once again he replied "Nothing baby, I'm good." I insisted that he buy himself something that he really wants for a change. Something that maybe we can do together as well? So he did... he went and bought himself a new gun. He went to meet with the people at the range this morning and had a great time. I'm next!

Me... I spent the day making him a cake. Not just any old cake mind you. I could have just gone and purchased some Carvel Ice Cream Cake (Which is my absolute favorite btw) or I could have had our local bakery make one. But no... little over achiever me. Little Miss Susie Homemaker just had to go and tackle a fondant cake with a figure on top!!!

I told him that he has been such a good boy this year that I got him a cute little blonde with a huge rack to jump out of a cake for him!!!!

Tee-hee-hee!!!!!

(Side note: This was NO easy task! Now I understand the talent that goes into cake decorating done right!)

Funfetti Cake... :)



Rolling on Fondant... What a pain in the #*S!!!!!





I'm surely not a professional, but this was a fun surprise to make for my husbands Birthday!



A little stripper glitter on the cake... :)



Even gave her a little butt crack! LOL!

Photography Styles and the pigeon hole...

Photography styles... Journalistic, Candid, Lifestyle, Natural Light, Modernistic. Whatever you refer to as your "style", what does that really mean these days?

I get the whole branding thing. Doing something that makes the images you capture something that is solely your own. And I see so many people capturing image after image that is categorized into a specific arena of photography. And I ask myself why?

Yes, at times there are images that I will come across on one of the more popular wedding photography blogs and I will say to myself "Yes, I will venture to guess that those images are by so-and-so." And more than not I would be correct. But lately I find myself having to look at the finer details of the image to tell one apart from another... meaning, somewhere amongst all the "current new hot things for wedding photography" we have lost our individuality. So I ask myself, was it lost, or was is never really there to begin with? Not to be harsh, but if you find yourself changing the style of your imagery to match the current trend then this is about more than the creativity for you.

I believe in adapting to new and unique concepts, ideas, etc. And with the ease of use, popularity, and down right impressive software and equipment available to even the weekend hobbyist, you're going to have to continue to change. But I believe that your artistic change should come from a natural progression of an artists works and not the excitement of being a part of next best thing.

With that said, here is a collage of some of our work, past and present. Our style really is not of any specific style at all. It is what ever that shoot, that couple, that emotion, that moment allows me to capture, and I hope this keeps people guessing...
ALWAYS!

Boudoir and your soldier downrange...

Because deployments stink, and we think you need a day full of SEXY!!!

Military life and changes all around...

I've said it before and I will say it again... Life as a military spouse is simply crazy! This life we live is full of amazing adventures, constant moves, and the difficulty that comes along with always being the new kid on the block.

When Eric and I arrived here in Columbia, SC I couldn't have been happier. I had just spent over 2 years in Germany and hated every minute of it. I couldn't wait to be back in the states where I thought things were normal. WOW! Was I mistaken!!!

This country, this messed up, backwards arze, going down the toilet quick country has changed. In 2+ years it has changed tremendously! I know times are hard for so many people. And I know times are hard for job seekers, etc... and our economy is in the dumps, but people have become mean, ruthless and completely malicious! Maybe it's just here in Columbia? But maybe its everywhere? Texas, our last duty station prior to Germany was awesome! But in Texas the people work, they work hard, they work together, and they carry a firearm. LOL! Ok, maybe they all don't tote a gun, but they can if they want to and people take things seriously there. My business was thriving, people all worked with one another to help us each get to the next level. I'm sure there was gossip and drama, but it never seemed to follow me while I was there. Here, in Columbia, I feel like I am back in High School only with bigger bank accounts. People here are rude, lying, gossiping, manipulative jokes and I want out!!!

So... the hubby and I said screw it! We picked up the phone and called a cruise line, booked a cabin and took off to the Bahamas for the week. And did we ever need it!

It was a crazy trip filled with food poisoning, sea sickness, migraines, and ultimately Dengue Fever, that would be me that came down with this lovely illness. But we spent many hours discussing our future. If Eric was staying in or retiring? If we were going to push to stay in SC or push to PCS elsewhere. And what to do with my business?

By the time we arrived home we fell back into our routines and let things take their course. And did they ever! By the end of the work day on Monday we were given the word that indeed Eric was looking at another PCS, and we were looking at it quick! Like 2-3 months quick!!! They want him to stay until his next promotion and be one of the head Officers to lead the 70 Delta. Its huge, and we are ready for the new adventure. So.... here we wait to find out where we go next, and how quickly they need us there. The house will go on the market the day we learn we are leaving. I love this house, but I hate this city. I want so terribly to head back to Texas, and that very well could be where we are heading? But, the top spot on the list that Eric is needed at would possibly be Hawaii. I say YES!!!! Hawaii!!!! The sandy beaches, the sun filled days and the temps that never drop below 60*. I'm in love already! I lived in Hawaii back in the early 90's, but I was poor and single and worked all the time. My days for having fun were limited to say the least. This time it would be SO much better!!!

So... here we go again. Life on the ledge, and I wouldn't have it any other way!!!

Oh, and BTW, the results of my tests all came back. After 2 years of invasive testing, and countless nights of no sleep we finally have answers and a direction to go in. There is NO CANCER!!! The masses in my body are residual silicone left over from the implant ruptures 3 years ago. Because they waited 3 months to perform the surgery that would remove the ruptures and replace them with new implants, the silicone did nothing but float around in my body, ultimately ending up anywhere it could attach itself to. Yes, I agree that it still sounds scary. And who really knows what the future holds when it comes to what that could eventually do? But for now I know I don't have cancer, and we can take it from here. So, surgery will be performed in a few months to remove not only the masses, but also both implants. I want them OUT! I want my natural breast back and nothing foreign in my body anymore. I don't care about small breasts. My husband is not a breast man anyway. :)

Have a great week!

And so we wait...

Its been going on close to two years now. Multiple Dr.s visits. Countless tests & exams. Yet here we sit, still NO answers?

Yesterday I drove 2 hours, one way, for the fourth time to Georgia for what was supposed to be the results (FINALLY) of the newest rounds of tests. The MRI was to aid the Dr in knowing if we are looking at residual silicone that has now capsulized, or breast cancer. Yet there I sat with a Dr who acted like he would rather be anywhere else than sitting there talking to me, and I was BEYOND frustrated! As he went on and on about this and that... what I really just wanted was a simple answer. What I received was a "Well, the MRI has not been read as of today. I have NO answers for you. But, here is my card. If you don't hear back from me by the end of the week then give me a call and remind me."
WHAT????
Me, call you? And to REMIND you to do your job?

So that was it. I went off... well, I went off as much as I could go off considering I was on a military installation and I had no idea if I could be in major trouble if I caused a scene? Or, if it could cause damage to my husbands career? But I was fuming, and he knew it! My opinion of this Dr. is that he is a jaded Col. who is playing out his time and really could care less about his patients. Prior to his speaking with me I overheard him in the hall with a fellow physician, bashing a Col. wife about her Botox treatments and how he is sick and tired of these spoiled woman and their cosmetic issues. But then why are you a "Cosmetic Surgeon"???
Completely unprofessional!!! I'm sure by the time I left my blood pressure was through the roof!

So, I'm done. I can't take the back and forth or the waiting month after month after month. So today I'm going to call a surgeon in NC who was referred to me months ago by one of my husbands soldiers in Germany. A breast cancer survivor herself who swears by the hands and work of this surgeon. He is renown for his advanced techniques in reconstructive breast surgery, and I hope that he can get me in by the time we come home from a much needed vacation. I went onto his website and scanned through before and after images of patients and I was in tears. His work is amazing!!! He is truly gifted.

I brought home a disk of images from one of the most recent of my mammograms (Last January) and of my MRI.
It's pretty scary. That lump is extremely large.
So here we go again....

A rain filled day & artistic nudes...

Its been a crazy few days. Driving back and forth from a Georgia hospital having yet more tests to see just what this plum size mass is in my breast. Yet another Dr. wants to tell me "Eh, I don't like the way that looks, so let's do this... and this... and this..."
So here I sit and wait again. Thinking, crying, sleeping, and Googling much too much information. It's surely what's been tying my stomach in knots.

So today I felt relieved that I had an afternoon shoot. And with a beautiful woman who asked primarily for nudes. Black and white nudes. YES PLEASE!!!! I love it when a woman is so comfortable in her own skin and doesn't mind showing it off on camera. In fact, she even said that I could post them. "Please, not a full on clear face shot. But anything else... eh, whatever." I had a grin from ear to ear as I edited a few of them tonight.

Special thanks and shout out to Yairi for the incredible make up and hair. You never let me down and I love working with you & hope to do many more projects together real soon.

So go grab a nice glass of wine and enjoy....

46 really is the new 26. WHAT? You didn't know that?

46 years old. I can remember the day that the age 46 seemed so old and SO far away! Yet here it is, my 46th birthday, right around the corner. No telling what a woman my age will ask for? But ask my husband and he will answer you in one easy sentence... "Make it shoes, botox, or fillers and she is good to go."

Oh goodness, how my husband knows me so well!!! So this year he changed things up a little bit. Instead of waiting until May 30th, I was given my gift early. And instead of it being yet another thing that he claims I simply "Do NOT need..." he bought me something I surely did need; He bought me a new SUV!!!

Yep, kiss that black voodoo, energy sucking, bad memory Mercedes good bye and say hello to my little friend!

My new Volvo XC60 T6 Polestar 354hp Turbo SUV that is!!!

She is beautiful! And only 1 of 3 in all of South Carolina! It was a custom built car for a Volvo client who later went with 2 convertibles instead. So there she sat, begging to be free. Begging to be bad. Begging for me to put her in my garage. So, I did!

In all truth, we have been eye balling new SUV's for some time now. With both brake and transmission issues, along with stupid things that didn't seem normal for a $60K Benz? Like peeling center console, cup holders plastic clip broke and fell into the center console? And buttons that simply do not work. In all, I am very disappointed in the Mercedes product and don't think I will be ever buying one again. It was an amazing experience though... touring the actual plant in Stuttgart, Germany. Placing the order making it completely my own. Braking her in on the Autobahn. But everything after that was just crap. Such a shame...

So I test drove around 9 brands of SUV's from the Nissan Morano to the Land Rover. I was walking past the Volvo when the interior caught my eye. Which made me ask the salesman, who went and got the keys, gave me a fantastic test drive, then told me to take it home for the night. :)
VERY smart move!!! The hubby really liked how it drove and handled. The next day, as promised, it was in our garage. :)

Thank you baby for my new car! I LOVE IT!!! And thank you for trusting ME to negotiate, and make the final deal. I didn't do so bad eh? LOL!

Boudoir and the voluptuous woman...

Sophia Vergara, Dita Von Tease, Kate Winslet, Scarlett Johansson, Beyonce Knowles... What do all these woman have in common? CURVES! Beautiful, voluptuous, womanly curves.

I love curves... Probably because I don't have any and you know us women, we always want what we don't have.

About a week ago I had an amazing woman in my studio. She was not a size 0 and she was proud of it. She was confident, and she was experimental, and she was sexy as hell! She never once mentioned what she didn't like. But she was quick to tell me what she did like... "I like my legs, and I like my hair and my eyes. Heck, I like it all!"

So away we went on this magical ride into the world of the curvy girl... and was it ever fun!!!

Enjoy...